This law greatly concerns me because there can be reasons for perceived neglectful behaviour in parents that are not worthy of the harm that removal of their children from their family could cause them.  I am not saying that children should continue to be put in harms way.

I will give you some examples from my own life.

When you have as many balls in the air at one time as I do and as I have in the past, you are going to drop the ball at some point.  After all, even the best jugglers drop the ball when they are learning how to juggle.  However, if they continually drop the ball, even after years of practice, then there is some cause for concern but tread carefully in how you respond to the person who drops the ball because they may have a very understandable “why” which can be fixed with support.  They may be doing the best they can with what they have.

After all, how many of us have more than one ball in the air at any given time?  Especially mothers.  I mean, I had four children under the age of five at one stage.  It was completely overwhelming. Of the four, only two were toilet trained!  Yes, nappies, nappies, nappies!  Then there was the new baby wanting to be fed every four hours – the mess they could make while I was chained to a chair breastfeeding was incredible!  Consequently I went through a time of post natal depression after the birth of my fourth child.

I wonder how many young or older mums out there have been in my situation.  I was living in a different part of the country to where my family were.  We were financially on the edge of bankruptcy (which fortunately I had the nouse to get us through without having to declare) and consequently, our phone had been cut off, so we had no outside communication.  I was stuck at home because taking four young children out at one time was a bit of an ordeal.  I had been courageous a few times and I have to say that my girls were very good when I compare them with the boy (the baby) now.  They always hung onto the trolley at the shops and stayed with mum.  The boy, on the other hand, ALWAYS takes off the second we get to the shops.  But generally it was just too hard to do.

While I was depressed I found it hard to get out of the chair and I struggled with suicidal thoughts.  There were dirty dishes in the sink, dirty clothes in the laundry, the house was not only untidy at times but also dirty, as there was food on the floor.  I probably hadn’t cleaned the toilets in a few weeks.  I’m sad to say, there were times when I failed to meet the needs of my children.  There were times when I made bad decisions because my head was just one big fog.  There were times when I was filled with rage and could easily have caused them harm.  Had someone been looking over my shoulder I may well have been classed as a “neglectful or abusive” parent.

Fortunately, that only lasted for six months of my life, but that six months was very eye opening for me and now gives me a much deeper level of understanding and compassion towards other parents who may be going through difficult patches of their lives and using drugs or alcohol to dull their emotional pain.

I remember when I was single I used to look at families with lots of children and their laundries were always overflowing with washing, their bathrooms dirty and their houses untidy.  I used to judge their lack of cleanliness, yet until recently I’ve had the same thing going on in my own home and I realised that if you have a split focus – mum is working to support all those children – someone, somewhere needs to cut you some slack because you can’t be superwoman, especially if you have little family support.

In our world there are so many responsibilities.  I believe we need to ensure we meet our responsibilities to the best of our abilities.  However, grace is essential if we don’t want to damage each other.  Not every woman who has a child is equipped with the ability to care for that child perfectly.  We are all on a learning journey.  Instead of judging we should be embracing, sharing knowledge and offering support.  If you see a young mum not doing it right, ask her how you could help her.  Don’t tell her how to do it better, or take over from her.  Be respectful, but be proactive as well.

We are in this life together.  You just never know when you are helping someone who may be an essential part of your world later on.  The child of a young mother you help may grow up to be the doctor that saves your life, as was the case in a story I read recently.

If the authorities really care about children, then my advice to them would be to care as equally about parents.  Instead of taking away from them, come alongside them and understand better their “why”.  We all have a “why” and when we understand one another’s “why” then we can make a decision as to what is in the best interests.  My intention during that time that I was failing my children was not to fail them.  I wanted to be the perfect mother. But my “why” was that I didn’t have the support that I needed and I was majorly sleep deprived.  Had I been given time out and time off to recover, it may not have taken as long for me to be back on my feet.

When others are dropping the ball, please take the time to understand their “why”.  It makes all the difference in the world, both for yourself and for the other person.

If you want to better understand this principle, I highly recommend you read Dr Stephen Covey’s book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, as he describes this principle in detail under the section on mutual understanding.  This book was life changing, given to me during my period of depression.  I’ve written a review for my other blog here, http://thecreatician.com/?p=572