As some of you will know, I have recently moved house.  They say that moving house is up there with one of the top stresses in life.  Well try losing your Dad, starting a new business, reconciling with a partner, changing your children’s schools and moving house, ALL at the same time!  I guess I’m up for the stress resistent mother of the year medal!

The beautiful thing about change is that with the loss of the old you also get the freshness of the new.  A new chance to establish who you are and who you will be.  I love this.  A new house, a new opportunity to put your expression of yourself on that house.  A new start for your relationship, a new opportunity to move on from the old things that bogged you down.

The only thing that I see as a problem is that I have taken the old me into the new home, the new relationship and so forth.  If I could have left the old me – the one that just seemed to fall down on the little things – back at the old house, the old school and in the separated state of our relationship, then life would be perfect!

I guess I am just going to have to dig deep and genuinely do the work on the inner me or at least allow the work that has already been done to make it’s way to the outside so that I can clearly see the changes as not just being external to myself.

Do you ever feel like this?  Like you’ve been given this amazing opportunity to start afresh but you are somehow tainting it with who you have been and not who you would like to be? Does that even make sense?

I’d love to hear other’s thought on this. Are we able to change in an instant or is change a lifelong process, with accelerated stages?  Please post your comments.s

This is a post by James S Higgins, Refrigerator Door

I just loved it and wanted to share it with all you cat lovers out there!

Guidelines for Cats

Doors

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an “outside” door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs.

Chairs and Rugs

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human’s bare foot.

Bathrooms
Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything . . . just sit and stare.

Hampering
If one of your humans is engaged in some close activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called “helping”, otherwise known as “hampering.” Following are the rules for “hampering”:

When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself.

For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needlepoint projects make great hammocks in spite of what the humans may tell you.

For people paying bills (monthly activity) or working on income taxes or Christmas cards (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils, and erasers off the table, one at a time. When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. They love to jump.

Walking
As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

Bedtime
Always sleep on the human at night so s/he cannot move around.

Play
This is an important part of your life. Get enough sleep in the daytime so you are fresh for your nocturnal games. Below are listed several favorite cat games that you can play. It is important, though, to maintain one’s dignity at all times. If you should have an accident during play, such as falling off a chair, immediately wash a part of your body as if to say “I meant to do that!” It fools those humans every time.

Cat Games

Catch Mouse
The humans would have you believe that those lumps under the covers are their feet and hands. They are lying. They are actually Bed Mice, rumored to be the most delicious of all the mice in the world, though no cat has ever been able to catch one. Rumor also has it that only the most ferocious attack can stun them long enough for you to dive under the covers to get them. Maybe YOU can be the first to taste the Bed Mouse!

King of the Hill
This game must be played with at least one other cat. The more, the merrier! One or both of the sleeping humans is Hill 303 which must be defended at all costs from the other cat(s). Anything goes. This game allows for the development of unusual tactics as one must take the unstable playing theater into account.

Warning: Playing either of these games to excess will result in expulsion from the bed and possibly from the bedroom. Should the humans grow restless, immediately begin purring and cuddle up to them. This should buy you some time until they fall asleep again. If one happens to be on a human when this occurs, this cat wins the round of King of the Hill.

Toys
Any small item is a potential toy. If a human tries to confiscate it, this means that it is a good toy. Run with it under the bed. Look suitably outraged when the human grabs you and takes it away. Always watch where it is put so you can steal it later. Two reliable sources of toys are dresser tops and wastebaskets. There are several types of cat toys.

Bright shiny things like keys, brooches, or coins should be hidden so that the other cat(s) or humans can’t play with them. They are generally good for playing hockey with on uncarpeted floors.

Dangly and/or string-like things such as shoelaces, cords, gold chains, and dental floss (& Q-tips) also make excellent toys. They are favorites of humans who like to drag them across the floor for us to pounce on.

When a string is dragged under a newspaper or throw rug, it magically becomes the Paper/Rug Mouse and should be killed at all costs. Take care, though. Humans are sneaky and will try to make you lose your dignity.

Paper Bags
Within paper bags dwell the bag mice. They are small and camouflaged to be the same color as the bag, so they are hard to see. But you can easily hear the crinkling noises they make as they scurry around the bag. Anything, up to and including shredding the bag, can be done to kill them. Note: any other cat you may find in a bag hunting for bag mice is fair game for a sneak attack, which will usually result in a great Tagmatch.

Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are guidelines for getting fed.

When the humans are eating, make sure you leave the tip of your tail in their dishes when they are not looking.

Never eat food from your own bowl if you can steal some from the table. Never drink from your own water bowl if a human’s glass is full enough to drink from.

Should you catch something of your own outside, it is only polite to attempt to get to know it. Be insistent. Your food will usually not be so polite and try to leave.

Table scraps are delicacies with which the humans are unfortunately unwilling to readily part. It is beneath the dignity of a cat to beg outright for food as lower forms of life such as dogs will, but several techniques exist for ensuring that the humans don’t forget you exist. These include, but are not limited to: jumping onto the lap of the “softest” human and purring loudly; lying down in the doorway between the dining room and the kitchen, the “direct stare”, and twining around people’s legs as they sit and eat while meowing plaintively.
Sleeping

As mentioned above, in order to have enough energy for playing, a cat must get plenty of sleep. It is generally not difficult to find a comfortable place to curl up. Any place a human likes to sit is good, especially if it contrasts with your fur color. If it’s in a sunbeam or near a heating duct or radiator, so much the better. Of course, good places also exist outdoors, but have the disadvantages of being seasonal and dependent on current and previous weather conditions such as rain. Open windows are a good compromise.

Scratching Posts

It is advised that cats use any scratching post the humans may provide. They are very protective of what they think is their property and will object strongly if they catch you sharpening your claws on it. Being sneaky and doing it when they aren’t around won’t help, as they are very observant. If you are an outdoor kitty, trees are good. Sharpening your claws on a human is not recommended.

Humans

Humans have three primary functions: to feed us, to play with and give attention to us, and to clean the litter box. It is important to maintain one’s Dignity when around humans so that they will not forget who is the master of the house. Humans need to know basic rules. They can be taught if you start early and are consistent.

Cats as Humanitarians

Humans have a very tenuous hold on reality and it is up to the cats to help them maintain their grasp on said reality. For instance, humans often speak to imaginary friends while holding a small object up to their ear, with no other humans in sight, obviously losing touch with the real world! A cat must put a stop to this as quickly as possible! Climb on the human and get your face right up in theirs and meow very loudly until the human acknowledges you, therefore bringing them back to reality. If that fails, you can use the top of your head to try and knock the small object out of their hand/away from their ear, which almost always succeeds in stopping their talking to thin air.

Human Inconsistency

Humans spend many hours sitting in front of a box with moving pictures, tapping tiny squares on a board with their fingertips…it is rumored that this is actually how humans sharpen their claws! Considering how sanctimonious they are when they catch cats sharpening their claws, humans obviously need a lesson in consistency. One of the best ways to do this is to walk on the board with the tiny squares…that will always get a huge reaction from the human, a good indication that you’re actually teaching them something! If that doesn’t work, lay on the board or throw up a furball on it! There’s no good reason why humans should be allowed to sharpen their claws while forbidding cats to do so!

Cat Speak

Humans will sometimes try to speak in cat language, attempting to ‘meow’ at you while having no real idea what they’re saying! Cats can either meow back and try and fool the human into thinking that there is a real connection going on, or they can stare at the human with a puzzled look on their face…after all, the human just told you that your mother was the whore of every tomcat in town! Did they mean that or did they simply not understand the implications of their attempting to meow? It’s hard to say, as the level of human advancement in this area is very limited…about the only ‘catspeak’ they actually understand is “I’m starving” and “Let me out…NOW!” If they have truly insulted you or your family, feel free to either tell them how stupid they are in cat language or walk away indignantly.

The Eternal Question

When faced with the age-old question, “Is it love, or is it Fancy east?”, we all know that it is Fancy Feast, of course. However, it is absolutely crucial that cats not let the humans know this, or the humans might stop sharing this treat with us! Always convince the human that your sudden, intense attention showered on them is LOVE! You can go back to normal behavior after the treat has been consumed!

Well, we are now in the new house and this is our opportunity for a fresh start.

Sometimes in life we just need the whole slate to be wiped clean, to be given a chance to write the next stage of our lives without any preconceived ideas or notions.

So here I stand…pen in hand…ready to write my future in my new home, with my husband and children.

What will I write???

I think I’d like to write:

1. Thankfulness – Thankful that I am alive, well, that I have love and I have hope for the future.

2. Happiness – I’m looking forward to a new house filled with happy memories

3. Victory – A new house where we live together victoriously, overcoming all the hurdles that life places in our way

4. Unity – A unified life, a unified vision, a unified family

5. Prosperous – A time of sowing and reaping

What is your vision for your life?  Have you taken the time to consider what you value and how it is influencing how you write the next chapter of your life?

Take a cloth…wipe the slate clean…pick up the pen and write!

All Good Things

He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary’s School in Morris, Minn. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, but had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. 

Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving – “Thank you for correcting me, Sister!” I didn’t know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day. 

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice-teacher’s mistake. I looked at Mark and said, “If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!” It wasn’t ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, “Mark is talking again.” I hadn’t asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. 

I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened by drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark’s desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it!! I started laughing. 

The class cheered as I walked back to Mark’s desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, “Thank you for correcting me, Sister.” 

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the “new math,” he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn’t feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves – and edgy with one another. 

I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, “Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend.” 

That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual. 

On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 

“Really?” I heard whispered. “I never knew that meant anything to anyone!” 

“I didn’t know others liked me so much.” 

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again. That group of students moved on. 

Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip – the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. 

Mother gave Dad a side-ways glance and simply said, “Dad?” My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. 

“The Eklunds called last night,” he began. 

“Really?” I said. “I haven’t heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is.” 

Dad responded quietly. “Mark was killed in Vietnam,” he said. “The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend.” 

To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark. I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, Mark I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me. 

The church was packed with Mark’s friends. Chuck’s sister sang “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? 

It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to me. 

“Were you Mark’s math teacher?” he asked. 

I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. 

“Mark talked about you a lot,” he said. After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates headed to Chuck’s farmhouse for lunch. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. “We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. 

“They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.” 

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him. 

“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.” 

Mark’s classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.” 

Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.” 

“I have mine too,” Marilyn said. “It’s in my diary.” 

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 

“I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said without batting an eyelash. “I think we all saved our lists.” 

That’s when I finally sat down and cried.

By Sister Helen P. Mrosla

 

I recently was invited to go to do a country trip with a friend to deliver a workshop.  I was very excited about the prospect and started to connect my heart to the event.  Then as we started to work several road blocks came to bear – the tyranny of distance and the cost of circumventing that distance and then there was the tyranny of resistance from the powers that be who wanted “qualified” people to work with their community and our excitement at the potential of telling our stories and hoping to make a difference in the lives of others was soon squashed and a lesson in life about giving the outcome. 

Firstly, to give one must have someone to give to who wants to receive the gift. And although best intentions are good, they are not always desired by the party we are giving to.  Research, investigation, connection, questioning must prepare the soil for the gift.

Secondly, to give one must have permission and authority to pass on the gift.  Without a qualification or endorsement, it seems your knowledge and experience is less welcomed.

Thirdly, to give one must be willing to never see a return for the investment.  A gift, is after all a gift.

So after speaking with experienced women, who have given a significant portion of their lives away to not-for-profit enterprises with the desire to make a difference in the world, I am feeling a bit dejected about this whole giving of self process.  Does one give of themselves to a world that may not want what they have, certainly may never give anything back and may demand authentication of the gift???  Everything that is within me screams yes, but is this just my idealic voice that loves to believe in a Hollywood ending speaking?

It is a quandry for me.  Being the leader of an innovative women’s association, it has certainly given me cause to pause and reflect. Not necessarily a bad thing, after all.  But do I want to give away my time with my children, my husband, my clients, fully knowing that the investment may never yield any tangible fruit?  Am I robbing them in the giving?  Am I wasting my time in trying to be inspirational and make a difference in the world?  Should I become more self-focused and nurturing of those that I have responsibility for, instead of those I am assuming responsibility for.

I’d love to know what others think on this subject.